Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
