My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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