my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
