Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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