evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
