I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
