If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
