I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
