I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Someone stole a lamp last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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