i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
