mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Congratulations! We have a period
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