took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
