we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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