she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your penis caused this!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
