I'm gonna have a badass scar
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
