Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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