Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
