You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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