took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
