you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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