K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
