Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.

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(678): you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt. http://tfl.nu/bqwc

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(623): View more from Arizona

I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.

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(623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again. http://tfl.nu/xgq4

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

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(610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs

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(443): View more from Maryland

i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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(443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn

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(416): View more from Toronto

he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

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(416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3

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(602): View more from Arizona

I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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(602): I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for http://tfl.nu/u905

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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(201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c

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(530): View more from California

Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.

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(530): Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle. http://tfl.nu/p5r3

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(604): View more from British Columbia

ttyl tear gas

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(604): ttyl tear gas http://tfl.nu/bmdg

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?

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(414): Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table? http://tfl.nu/liu6

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(217): View more from Illinois

She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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(217): She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop http://tfl.nu/g9k9

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.

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(218): You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate. http://tfl.nu/a3k9

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(785): View more from Kansas

The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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(785): The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/iipx

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(816): View more from Missouri

Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.

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(816): Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is. http://tfl.nu/ytcu

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(213): View more from California

If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude

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(213): If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude http://tfl.nu/zznc

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