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you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ttyl tear gas
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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