I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident