If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.