He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And the cops told us we were all naked.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?