Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
