I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
