No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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