FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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