I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
