I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
