i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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