I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
