yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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