I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
