she looked like the bat from fern gully.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize