I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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