The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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