tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
