you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
