Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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