The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
