Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
