Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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