I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
