Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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