When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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