I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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