i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
