Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
