Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
