I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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