Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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