Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
