hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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