We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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