Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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