Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
