So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
