The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The air was thick with penises
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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