You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize