my mouth tastes like poor choices
this boner is exhausting
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
