3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
