My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize