he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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