She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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