real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am midnight drunk by noon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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