So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
